Meet Kimberly Dalferes

I have a confession. Thirty plus years ago when I was a college freshman, I let someone - practically a stranger - derail my writing ambitions. A graduate student begrudgingly assigned to teach freshman composition, a woman whose name I can’t even recall, told me I had no writing talent whatsoever. Nil. Nada. She advised me to focus my studies elsewhere; like agriculture, or perhaps the service industry.

My confession: I believed her.

Big mistake. Not a mistake the likes of “Sorry, I didn’t mean to lose the company $1 million;” or, “Of course I’ll talk to the folks from Sixty Minutes… what could possibly go wrong?” But, a bad personal choice for sure.

Now approaching “Club Fifty” status, I’ve realized - perhaps a little late in the game - that I would love to go back in time and tell my 18 year old self to screw the naysayers (well, not literally) and write for one reason and one reason only: it’s wicked fun! Oh, and I would also tell her to wear a better bra because some day she is going to regret that lack of support.

Here are a few additional bits of advice I would share with my younger self:

• Pick a writing hero. My current obsession is Mae West. Did you know she was a playwright? Yep, her first play produced on Broadway was titled Sex. After one week the authorities shut it down and she spent a week in jail for moral indecency. She was WAY ahead of her time.
• Don’t apologize for your eccentricities. You don’t like eggs; so don’t eat them! You’ve got big feet (you’ve sported size elevens since age eleven); be grateful because you could instead have a giant ass. You’re a neurotic, crazy southern Irish gal, who suffers from Virgotitis - embrace who you are because in the future you are going to write some funny stuff about your own weirdness.
• Marry a night owl. Trust me, morning people suck; you are not compatible with this species.
• Invest in a pair of very good fuzzy bunny slippers. You will need them throughout your life. Your writing abilities will often depend upon your feet being comfortable. My current pair are bright pink and quite fluffy.
• It’s OK to show your ass every once in awhile. When you’ve reached an age when you’re perched up in the middle-aged cheap seats, you’ll look back with some perspective. You’re going to fondly remember those situations that ended up being stupid and funny. Embrace these bad decisions – they make for the best stories.
• Life will not turn out as expected. Life is messy and complicated and wonderfully unpredictable. You shouldn’t always play by the rules. Example: someone is going to offer you free tickets to a Prince concert. He is going to be HUGE. Blow off your history exam – take the tickets!
• Above all else, remember this: there’s always room for Jello; and tequila; and a funny book.

Buy the book at Amazon

Kimberly “Kimba” Dalferes is the author of I Was In Love With A Short Man Once. She is currently working on the sequel tentatively titled Magical Power Fishing Panties. She can often be found hanging in the middle-aged cheap seats (http://kimdalferes.com/category/kim-dalferes-blog).

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